|The kids made star-shaped Roti with Chris and Sharon who came to help out with them.|
They loved it and them!!
So much of this time of hyperemesis (severe pregnancy sickness) has been about learning to let go.
Letting go of what the children eat....
Letting go of what and how much the children watch TV....
Letting go of much of how the children behave....
Letting go of what the children wear, where they go, what they do there...
Letting go of the state of the house.... (and mostly letting go of worrying about all manner of people see it in such a state!)
Letting go of so many responsibilities, activities, relationships....
And so on!
Many of those elements a Mama thinks she oversees, is responsible for, controls.... but I simply have not had the energy, capacity or even awareness most of the time to do anything about them. For a bit of a self-confessed control-freak, it has been a mighty lesson to learn.
Learning that some elements are not as important as I thought they were.
Learning that I never really 'controlled' as much as I thought I did!
Learning how much more capable and resilient my kids were than I gave them credit for.
Learning that this is a season, that I can only do what I can do and that many of the things that have 'back-slid' can be picked up and reworked on again when I am capable to do so... (like some relationshops, activities and some of the children's emerging or re-emerging behaviours).
But mostly I have learnt that letting go means letting God. And this can only be a good thing!
Learning to let God fill the gaps with grace.
Letting God be strong when I am weak (which is really how it always is, but oh, how strong I like to think I am at times!)
Learning to let others help and bless our family during a time of need.
'Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.'
2 Corinthians 12.9 New Living Translation
God is good and through this season I have found a new sense of peace and comfort. It is in safely in His hands...
I am also grateful for foundations that were laid before that have helped us endure this season. A loving community of friends, family, and church. Years invested in my children and their characters and their manners and behaviour that has I think helped them during this phase. Including them being happy, willing and reportedly-very-well-behaved and easy to deal with for the host of people who have cared for them in our home or their own. My heart is so happy and relieved when I hear the report at the end of the day that the kids were a breeze/no trouble/a pleasure. Phew! The kids just happily roll with whatever is happening, each day enquiring 'Who's coming over to play with us today!?'. Such social little animals, I am in awe of how flexible, cruisey and resiliant they are!
Anyway, as I am hopefully to some degree starting to emerge from the intense fog of sickness, my hope is that I can slowly regain my entry into life again, but perhaps this time holding a little less tightly to these things because ultimately, I really don't control them all anyway! I do my best, I give my all, I commit my days to God and trust Him to unfold the outcomes.
Letting go, letting God...